Junk
Rian has been casually wheedled into 'helping out' at a friend's Saturday Morning Neighborhood Yard Sale.
This, in Rian's world, is a horror. Not only are Yard Sales EARLY endevours - as in hoardes of grumpy creatures picking through still unlabeled 'treasures' before sunrise - but Rian has been raised to grow bumpy and itchy at the thought of garage sales in general.
"The things aren't washed," Rian's mother used to say. "It is all junk."
Now. Before ye toss rotten bananas and call Rian a Horrible Elitest let me remind ye that A) Rian has always admitted to a Spoilt and Shallow state of grace and yet B) Rian is open minded.
Since moving to Spokaloo, Rian has bravely packed itching cream and gone on Yard Saling Adventures with several wisely penny pinching cohorts. Rian spent one entire summer stoically trailing after a very pregnant and very grumpy relative, hauling her 'finds'.
And if Rian learned anything, it is this: Spokaloo Yard Sale Paraphanelia never truly disappears, it simply moves from one sale to another down the street.
"Is not that the purple elephant vase we saw last week on Garland?" Rian would ask, blinking at the prominently displayed horror.
"Yes," Rian's overheated friend would reply.
"And on Regal, a week ago before that? And surely it is the same we glotzed one month ago, in Hillyard, for there cannot be TWO such beauties in this world..."
"Shut up, Rian."
I expect to glimpse the purple elephant vase Saturday morning as the sun rises over ravening hoards of board Spokanites. Ye gods of little fishes help me.
This, in Rian's world, is a horror. Not only are Yard Sales EARLY endevours - as in hoardes of grumpy creatures picking through still unlabeled 'treasures' before sunrise - but Rian has been raised to grow bumpy and itchy at the thought of garage sales in general.
"The things aren't washed," Rian's mother used to say. "It is all junk."
Now. Before ye toss rotten bananas and call Rian a Horrible Elitest let me remind ye that A) Rian has always admitted to a Spoilt and Shallow state of grace and yet B) Rian is open minded.
Since moving to Spokaloo, Rian has bravely packed itching cream and gone on Yard Saling Adventures with several wisely penny pinching cohorts. Rian spent one entire summer stoically trailing after a very pregnant and very grumpy relative, hauling her 'finds'.
And if Rian learned anything, it is this: Spokaloo Yard Sale Paraphanelia never truly disappears, it simply moves from one sale to another down the street.
"Is not that the purple elephant vase we saw last week on Garland?" Rian would ask, blinking at the prominently displayed horror.
"Yes," Rian's overheated friend would reply.
"And on Regal, a week ago before that? And surely it is the same we glotzed one month ago, in Hillyard, for there cannot be TWO such beauties in this world..."
"Shut up, Rian."
I expect to glimpse the purple elephant vase Saturday morning as the sun rises over ravening hoards of board Spokanites. Ye gods of little fishes help me.
posted by La Tulipe | 1:33 PM
9 Comments:
The lovely antique cabinet in my LR came froma garage sale.
Mostly they are junk, and I would weary at going to them all of the time. But occasionally, they are wonderful. Where did those lovely colored liquor glasses go. Two crystal ones.... Did you put them somewhere?
Blame poor Rian.
Perhaps the kitchen hutch?
It sounds pretty fun, actually. Digging through piles of other people's stuff. Then again, I am a nosy little creature...
I feel so awkward buying someone else's rubbish. Especially when they just stare at you as you pick through things.
Although they used to be fun when I was a kid. Found some neat stuff.
I hate owning other peoples' stuff. I don't even like getting out library books much. It feels so wrong somehow. I know people who love their op-shopping and garage sales, but it's not my scene at all, elitist as that may be.
The GarageSale Elephant (Elephas Junki)
These are a rare species of mini-pacyderm native to north-west United States and Canada. They are small, and brightly coloured, frequently purple.
Unlike most elephants, GarageSale Elephants do not travel in herds. Instead, they live a solitary life travelling in search of food. This is done by acting like junk whereby they are added to the next Garage Sale for that home. To ensure a good feeding ground is found before other GarageSale Elephants get there these tiny pachyderms emit a whine (subvocal to humans).
This sound hits the same subconcious harmonies as whining pitful puppies and children and has the effect in humnans that they will transport, love and protect the GarageSale Elephant.
Once in the new home, however, the elephant stops producing the sound, and effectively turn invisible, ensuring no further hassle is received from the unsuspoecting human. Because of this very little is known of their feeding habits.
It is thought that once arriving at a new home, they begin to eat all those little things that have been lost behind bookcases and under the bed: odd socks, loose changes, bits of string and chuck-keys.
They are an odd American thing, I thought. Strange that they also exist in Australia.
Now boot sales... They're the thing. A large field full of curios.
I just don't see that selling things in your front garden would make sense... how many people are going to pass and be filled with a sudden desire for an old chair or table? I doubt your typical road where I live sees more than a dozen cars a day other than the people living there. Why not just put an ad in the paper or the internet? Widen your customer base, charge more money.
What was the issue? Oh yes, the icky second hand thing. I really don't like wearing other people's clothes so never buy second hand and those dress-up party games always made me grimace. Even the promise of eating chocolate after donning the hat and gloves wasn't enough. Hard furniture though, not fabrics, is of course best when second or preferably hundredth hand. The older the better. Ikea lacks something.
I am sure it is a sign of a spoilt generation. My grandparents would utter something about "during the war..." and end up talking about sharing one set of underpants between the entire family.
Yeah...car boot sales are a less bizarre concept.
But Rian has not informed us of how it went. Is she currently too busy trying to find a suitable home for her lovely new purple elephant vase?
Late comment: We always, always use op-shops to find our dress-ups. How else may we capture the splendor of a disgusting hawaiian shirt, or discover the Grouse Blouse.
(One day, I'll find a photo of said blouse.)
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