Solitude
Unbearably Beautiful has Rian considering Solitude.
There are some creatures in life who cannot stand Solitude. You have met these souls, yes? The socialite who must fill his days with comittee after comittee after comitee. The vivacious blonde in the back seat of your green jag who must fill the entire 8 hour jaunt to Yosemite with chatter.
The elderly woman down the street who slowly wilted toward death after her husband died. Or married another six weeks beyond the funeral.
Rian is not one such creature. Rian's Hearsister is, and I understand - to some extent - the itch that drives her. She comes from a very large family; she has grown up with noise. Silence makes her uneasy.
But Rian...Rian drifts toward madness if there is not some solitude in Rian's day. Someone Else understands this, and kindly makes space four an hour most every evening. Without Solitude Rian gets sharp tongued and ice eyed.
It is not just silence, yes? It is the locking away of the world, the drifting of one's own thoughts and sensations, sudden stillness agains the rising tide.
Is Solitude also, perhaps, the core of selfishness?
There are some creatures in life who cannot stand Solitude. You have met these souls, yes? The socialite who must fill his days with comittee after comittee after comitee. The vivacious blonde in the back seat of your green jag who must fill the entire 8 hour jaunt to Yosemite with chatter.
The elderly woman down the street who slowly wilted toward death after her husband died. Or married another six weeks beyond the funeral.
Rian is not one such creature. Rian's Hearsister is, and I understand - to some extent - the itch that drives her. She comes from a very large family; she has grown up with noise. Silence makes her uneasy.
But Rian...Rian drifts toward madness if there is not some solitude in Rian's day. Someone Else understands this, and kindly makes space four an hour most every evening. Without Solitude Rian gets sharp tongued and ice eyed.
It is not just silence, yes? It is the locking away of the world, the drifting of one's own thoughts and sensations, sudden stillness agains the rising tide.
Is Solitude also, perhaps, the core of selfishness?
posted by La Tulipe | 4:16 PM
8 Comments:
First of all, if you were driving your own green jag to Yosemite, I don't think you'd care who was being vivacious in the back seat. In a manner of speaking.
However, I don't think that solitude is a core of selfishness. They have some aspect in common, I guess-- like focus on self-- but they are different. Perhaps I am just saying this because I am the same way, but I don't think so. Although one can turn into the other. If you begin to feel the need to carve out moments of solitude by ignoring responsibilities or wishes of others, for example.
The way you describe it, Solitude is more like refreshment, or recharging. Something that makes it more easy to live with the noise and chatter of the next day.
I agree with Emano. Everyone needs to have a bit of space every now and then. Even I, the Queen of Social, appreciates a few hours without assorted flatmates and neighbours around the place.
It's not selfish to take a couple of hours to yourself.
Solitusde is freedom as well. I'm not sure how this ties in with selfishness, but some blast through life doing what ever they want, having it Their Way. Others efface themselves completely, relishing going along with a dominant for the ride, or more sadly, not knowing what to do unless another leads. Others are compromisers. always balancing theirs and others needs and wants with their own. I am something of a compromiser, and that often takes work. So, being alone can be like a vacation for a compromiser.
More importantly to me perhaps, is that as social creatures, people tend to be hierarchecal. Many jostle and fight for their little spot. I neither like to dominate nor be dominated, I asm not by nature either a follower or a leader. Neither sits well with me. So being alone is to be free from all of that....
Hmm, I think I am not getting at the heart of the matter here at all. I truly enjoy solitude. I enjoy company too, but I don't know how I would have done with a husband and family and all the social commitments that entails.
It's not selfishness, it's being considerate really. I mean, if you don't have time to yourself then nobody is going to benefit from your snarky mood and disinterest. I look at it as doing the world a massive favour. ;)
I've been pegged as an introvert by my extended family for many years, simply because I don't like to be with people all the time.
When I get home in the evening I go to my room and spend half an hour or so there, doing nothing except for not being around anyone else. It may be selfish, but I need it. How can I think about things if I never have the space in which to think? And then how can I develop?
Maybe it's just the way I think, but I think some people are afraid of solitude because if they're alone they have to live with themselves.
I, too, need my solitude. I'm fortunate enough to have a fair amount of it most days - just me and my dogs. But for me, there's also a difference between being alone, yet with a dozen things that need to be done, and being alone with nothing to do but what I choose. I cannot relax and simply enjoy 'me time' if there are still things to be done. Once they're out of the way, I can.
I enjoy company as well, but mostly just selected company. I would be lost and miserable without my significant other, yet I still need times for just me, as he does for him. It is, as M&O said, recharging. Important. No more selfish than eating or drinking or breathing.
I've always been puzzled by those who can't stand solitude. I remember people in my school who couldn't even eat alone for lunch, and when they saw me alone, they came to me with pity in their eyes. *snorts*
They can't stand eating without others. Can't stand walking without others.
Are they afraid of silence? Of themselves?
The core of Selfishness...*wonders*
The instinct of self-protection?
Solitude is beautiful stuff. I don't really think it has any direct link to selfishness, though...there are plenty of selfish people who couldn't stand to spend half an hour alone just considering themselves from all angles. True selfishness is constantly needing to be around people whose attention is focused on you.
Being on your own is just...time needed to be comfortable with who you are. To stand back from yourself and re-evaluate a bit. Perhaps that is a selfish need...but not an unreasonable one, I feel.
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