Guilt

They say it is a normal part of greiving. Rian hopes this is true, becuase we are all suffering it.

Rian's brother said: "I wish this was just OVER. But I feel guilty even saying it."

Yes.

Rian has begun to long for weekends spent AT HOME and not in this aeroplane or this aeroport or speaking to a parent who is no longer quite in this world.

I have dreams that all is well and then wake to remember that I will not ever again have a coherent conversation with this particular loved one and THEN I can not go back to sleep. There are no tears. Only loneliness.

Guilt for wishing it were over, and that we did not have to fear the monster in the darkness.