David

Rian's yogini tonight compared our Selves to blocks of stones, sculptures in progress.

Rian rather enjoyed the image. As we waltz through life, we are carved a bit HERE and shimmied a bit HERE and smoothed THERE and buffed HERE and eventually, if we are lucky, we become the lovely core of our being that we were meant to be, that core that is hidden away inside.

Of course, if one were in a more negative frame of mind, one could also call that lifelong process the peeling of an onion.

Possible Truths

"Oh Great Mother of Science!"

- The Man in the Big Yellow Hat (a.k.a. 'Ted')

Perfect

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Mute Monk. Where You Lived: West Africa. How You Died: Consumption.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Idle

You Are Balanced - Believer - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally.You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go.Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control.Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow. You are a true believer in luck, fate, and karma.You believe that life is a game of chance - not a game of skill.You either consider yourself very unlucky or very lucky.No matter what, you don't feel like you can change the hand you were dealt. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order.You realize that working the system does get you further.You know who to defer to and who to control.When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

Thank You, Myo.

Although Rian's weather doohicky seems stuck in a time warp...

What did Rian do incorrectly?

Possible Truths

"Cruelty and fear shake hands together."

- Honore de Balzac

Find the Feline

Myopic

Dining room chair seat cushion #1. Only seven more to go.

Electric

Says the Electrician to Rian, "Ya know, that circuit box you have down there, that Zantrek*..."

"Yes?" says Rian.

"...that brand's a real death trap. Lotsa horror stories. Breakers not tripping, houses burning down."

"Yip," says Rian.

"But!" says the Electrician to Rian, fake smile plastered on face, "I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, I mean, this house has been standing just fine for...what...90 years? I'm sure it's just fine."

"Oh, wonderful. NOW you've jinxed it," cries Rian, and goes to hide under the chaise.


* or some brand that starts with a Z.

Circles

Rian listened to more John Titor conspiracy on the radio last night. As a result, Rian has woken with a boggled head. I simply canna wrap my mind about time travel.

The joke on the radio last night was that Titor (who supposedly was a time traveler from 20 or 30 years forward) no doubt, whilst he was here, took a moment to mention to his real time family the numbers of this week's winning Powerball Lottery (365 million) thus insuring his family would win.

It was a joke, yet still....Rian spent a good hour trying to work it out in Rian's head.

If Future Titor knew the winning numbers, which he would, suppsedly being a child today...did he know them because from the very beginning they won?

Future Titor tells Young Titor and so family Titor knows.

Future Titor knows because Young Titor and family won because Future Titor tells Young Titor and so family Titor knows?

or Future Titor knows the numbers first time around because the Smith Family in Nebraska won and Young Titor took note? And thusly the Smiths are rich for the first time around and then they have never won afterall because Future Titor tells Young Titor and thusly the Titor family wins and the Smiths remain potato farmers, having never won after all?

Rian is dizzy with confusion. And now also late to Busy Wednesday.

Possible Truths

"You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around..."

- Powter

Dialectic

Whilst attending an 'Artist Amongst Us' bazaar at Rian's local church, Rian decided to step into the adult forum and see what was being discussed.

Twas "The Rapture Exposed" or 'Why the Left Behind Series Should be'*.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0813343143/qid=1140397131/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/103-6962268-3119040?s=books&v=glance&n=283155

The speaker, truth be told, had little to say about Rossing's book. He was speaking, mostly, on his own views of the book of Revelations as both a minister and an historian.

To very quickly paraphrase, Our Speaker believes that the apocalyptic book was speaking of the fall of Empires rather than the End of the World - most specifically the fall of Rome.

Rian, who most likely could not find the Book of Daniel in the Bible unless given twenty minutes to flip pages, nevertheless finds the entire book terribly interesting, especially from an historical stand point. The opressor Rome, referred to as the Devil? Of course.

Our Speaker's true point was that even although tis unlikely we need to prepare for the end of the world by next Thursday all empires eventually fall and that it is not impossible the United States will eventually go the way of Babylon. Therefore, as the Haves, we should put little stock in our material hearts, as eventually the Haves may become the Have Nots.

Influence the world, not thy pocketbook.

This, oddly, made Rian think favorably of skittledog.

*Rian's additon.

Beauty?

http://www.metmuseum.org/Works_of_Art/viewOne.asp?dep=2&viewMode=0&item=16%2E53

Paranoia

Young Black Sheep has been looking at Rian in a rather odd manner, lately.

Rian canna quite figure it out, and it has become beyond a puzzle to a small concern.

Tis the kind of look ye might give someone if you had been through their lingerie drawer and discovered they favored leopard skin thongs.

It makes Rian wonder, rather, if he has discovered Rian's blog.

Or if he and Keppet have been exchanging love notes.

Not that there's anything WRONG with that.

Heavenscent

Rian is baking 'fresh' bread to go with tonight's jumbalaya. There is nothing, NOTHING like the scent of baking bread. What is it about yeast that sends one spinning into contentment and the illusion of warmth?

The aroma almost makes up for Rian's bleeding hands and mouth, cold cracked.

But not for the fact that the brake in Rian's car was frozen ON this morning.

I have spent the day imagining I am in warmer climes. RianIsland, perhaps. Or MyoLand. Some creatures daydream sex. Rian daydreams warmth.

Pine IV

Test board, 'leathered', against the twin of the trim it will be living with. Rian is rather pleased with the leathering affect, but Rian's brain is saying the paint needs to be one tone darker if it is to please the trim as well. So. Tomorrow Rian shall purchase a different tone of paint. And we shall see.

Possible Truths

"Make a circle in the sand
Make a halo with your hand
I'll make a place for you and me..."

- Duritz

Pine III

For Mater: a rather bland boring beige so far, but a Ralph Lauren bland boring beige. Just wait until Rian 'stipples'. And, Mater, Rian will gather wool with ye any time, yes?

Pine II

Test board, nicely primed.

Pine I

This is a test board. By the end of the week, gods willing, Rian shall magically transform it into 'Ralph Lauren Antique Leather'. Is this possible? We shall see, yes?

Lust

After spending some Quality TIme this morning with the Giant Table Saw in the basement, Rian went out for 'coffee' with a clutch of old friends. We were supposed to be discussing our deepest secrets, proper cheese cake berries, this summer's camping trip, and wine.

Unfortunately for Rian's concentration abilities, Dan Spalding sat himSelf at the next table over. Lately Rian has been seeing Dan everywhere. Not only at yoga, yes? But in the newspapers and business magazines...at the organic grocery store...I have begun to suspect that there are several Mr. Spaldings drifting about the downtown area.

He is beautiful in body, of course. And astoundingly strong when it comes to Studio. But it is his artistic and architectural abilities Rian lusts after. I should enjoy terribly being so Talented.

http://artbyspalding.com/index.html

Dinner Diversions

Rian had salmon with Young Black Sheep tonight.

He was rather talkative. Rather TOO talkative, yes? Not that there is anything WRONG with that...

He told me about his glass blowing adventures and how one can glass blow bongs to "sell to hippies" and he forgot the "word for blue which begins with Co -"

"Cobalt," suggested Rian.

"Yeah! Cobalt."

Then we mulled over his 8 week trip to Japan and whether he should learn Akido or something less spikey.

He asked how Keppet was. And whether she had ever used the particle accelerator in Illinois. He referred to her as 'Your smart scientist friend."

Rian did not mention that I have not yet obtained the Great Keppet Friendship Status.

...says Rian, twinkling wickedly.

Stage Two

The paneling is off.

Rian has fresh wood, new paint, tinted glaze and a stippler brush.

I am dancing with impatience to begin.

Rian needs TIME.

With Thanks To Craig

http://www.youtube.com/w/Sleepless-in-Seattle-Suspense-Trailer?v=3hoXCRDrJr8&search=sleepless%20in%20seattle

What Happens At Rian's Abode...

...Stays At Rian's Abode.

Possible Truths

"I was awed by the tall apartment buildings and wondered, as we clicked along, if anyone actually used the balconies twenty-five stories up."

- Anita Shreve

Resolute

Tomorrow morning Rian's father goes in for his day surgery.

I have, admittedly, spent the day mulling it over.

And I have decided it will go well.

Equanimity

How Rian constantly strives - nay, LONGS - for such.

Today I have it not at all.

Wishful Thinking

"Perform your duty equipoised, O Arjuna, abandoning all attachment to success or failure. Such equanimity is called yoga."

- Bhagavad Gita verse 48

Out of the Frying Pan

Rian has just now hired the Cheap Electrician, despite Unbearably Beautiful's undoubtedly sound advice.

He will start work in a week or two, supposedly. Rian is nibbling thumbnails, having been brought up on the old adage: "Ye get what ye pay for."

Someone Else only said, "We'll, you're in it now, no turning around."

As if we did not hit the no turn around when the paneling started coming off the wall, yes? Because we all love living with cracked plaster and gusty holes.

Still, and so. Rian is rather excited. And this weekend I shall go purchase masses of plywood and eyeball paint plans.

Scenes From An American Expedition

(or Reasons Why Rian feels old)

1. Playing Before&After, Dirty Scrabble, Apples To Apples on the seven hour bus trip with beer in hand and legs crossed because there is no water in the loo and the toilet is already 'full'.

2. Crossing the border in apparent ease until, as the Canadian Mountie is stepping off the bus, a Very Young Associate jokingly whispers 'Thank God that's over, the heroine bag up my arse is starting to ITCH.' ...the Mountie had very good ears but also, luckily, a soft heart.

3. Discovering that the Big White Resort is owned by Antipodeans and as such filled with Australian youngsters working for Summer Break. Sexpot tones and friendly young creatures EVERYWHERE. As such, Rian existed in a haze of hot blooded bliss. (Rian was not the only one, most female and perhaps male eyes could not leave the dark haired, limpid eyed, scrawny waitor George. Alas, he had a 'Sheila'.)

4. Prowling the loft bed in the Condo. Straining over the wall and peering over the edge. "Tis all over, I am going to jump!" shouts Rian to Someone Else below. Every time Rian climbed the loft to sleep or dress. Someone Else is a patient creature.

5. Taking the gondolas to dinner in a blowing snow storm, seated across from two very young Canadians reeking of BC Bud. 'H-h-help.' chattered Rian. The Canadians only laughed and DID NOT offer a toke.

6. The rooftop hot tub would not heat. And all the food was TERRIBLE.

7. Traveling from the Mountain top to Okanagan below for a Wine Tour. Stopping the bus first at a strip mall because A) one creature needed to purchase beer at a Wal Mart and B) Rian wanted to find the smalled possible tequlia bottle in a nearby liquor store. Canadian Wal Marts carry no beer. The smallest bottle of tequila in the liquor store was 375 ml. Rian purchased it anyway. And discovered Absinthe Stocked.

8. Crossing the Okanagan bridge and nearly falling over Larry the Busdriver in an attempt to spot the Canadian 'Loch Ness Monster'.

9. Falling in love with the winery architecture whilst every other creature fell in love with the winery WINE. Vinegar disguised. Although the pretentious 'gargling' was quite amusing, especially when another Young Associate nearly choked to death attempting the Red.

10. Convincing Someone Else to take snow boarding lessons - next time.

11. Being interrupted by a Australian Room Service bloke whilst kanoodling. "Room service!...Oh, SHIT." Only an Aussie would put it suchly. Rian should have invited the fellow in.

12. Second dinner, worse food, Rian lead hijinks at the Mormon Table. Rian taught Brady how to sculpt flaming candles (and thought of Ash). Brady taught Rian how to 'catch the flame'.

13. Grand Marnier Gun Barrel after dinner coffees for all. (Rian had Gun Barrel hot cocoa, yes?) and the stagger through the snow - "I don't feel ANYTHING" - back to the Condos. Did we slide down the ice? The dripping dripping silk blue flame was beautiful:
http://www.skisnowboard.com/bigwhite/dining.html

14. Rian challenging another Young Associate to wear her fluffy tube scarf. As a dress. It fit. Tightly. Rian was too tipsy to remember camera. Drat. Mater should have been there to take knitting notes.

15. Saturday's late night poker game and the very very drunk Partner who introduced us all to his 'Fantasy Friend, Roger.' Rian attempted to learn better poker, with small results. "What is the blind, love?" And was forced to stay up far far far past bedtime. As the vodka tippled around, shouts from the gallery of: "UNWANTED touching, Roger!" Oddly, Rian thought of skittledog. Luckily the conference room had a working loo.

16. The long winding drive back home through snow and rain to another party of SuperBowl nature and inedible food. Rian's insides may never recover.

The drifts of perfectly untouched white snow, the cloudy green of Horrible Absinthe, the bronze carol of the bells in the winery bell tower, the Antipodean 'No Worries' and the dripping blue flame are what most sticks in Rian's mind.

The knit tube dress may be a close second....

Chagall Tapestry 

Tasting 

Amphorae 

Catacombs 

Arch and Architecture 

Let The Vineyards Be Fruitful... 

Big White 

Possible Truths

"Memory, the warder of the brain."

- Shakespeare

Fog

Rian's father is going in for 'day surgery' next week, to remove a tumor from a lymph node.

A week ago an aquaintance (the daughter of a friend) died of breast cancer at age 35, leaving behind a husband, toddler and seven year old. This hit Rian hard, and Someone Else even harder, and the funeral was very painful.

Three days later the daughter of another friend was diagnosed, again, with breast cancer, again, at 36. An extremely young age.

I have felt the disease creeping behind me since age twelve, on little cat feet, yes? Breathing down my neck. Waiting. I used to joke, to a college friend, that Rian was a Cancer Magnet.

Now it seems even closer. Tickling Rian's backbone with shivery whiskers. Which has made Rian, lately, think of....:

Life and Death

Creatures have children for different reasons, one supposes. To cement a relationship, for companionship, to model the world, to fill a hole and even, often, by accident. One expects a little person to take up one's life completely, yes? And although it is hard to put another's needs before your own when it comes to food, clothes, activities, sleep, tantrums and lifestyle choices, Rian is found that the very hardest thing about having a child is how that child ties one TO life.

When I was younger, yes, life did not frighten Rian much. It was an adventure to be lived and explored and touched and tasted and experienced and: "Pffft!" I would tell life, "If you become too hard, too painful, too boring, too lonely, too tasteless, well...there is always a bus to walk in front of." My life was MINE to keep or toss away as I liked. (Rian's god would not approve, but one suspects he finds Rian trying in many ways.)

Not that Rian is any more suicidal than the next neighbor, but there was a heady freedom in knowing that I need not face the trials life tossed if I did not want to.

And then one has a child, and things turn over. In agreeing to raise a little person as best I can, I have implicity given up the right to flee pain or trouble. Cancer or divorce or space aliens with nasty teeth, Rian must face them all as they come and ENDURE simply because I would not be able to abandon that small, trusting smile.

Reasons Why

Young Black Sheep is smiling.